At some point in your career, someone you know will a) ask for an introduction to someone else in your network, or b) offer to make an introduction to someone they feel you should know.

Email introductions can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, obviously, they can be incredibly useful. On the other hand, they can suck up a lot of time if not done properly.

The very worst email introductions automatically assume that the connection being made is appropriate and beneficial for the involved parties. But the truth is, unless you’ve explicitly asked in advance, this is just an assumption.

Here’s an example of an email I recently received:

Hey Allen,

I would like to introduce you to Cindy Lou (cc’ed). Cindy Lou is an expert in X, which you will find useful. I’m sure you would enjoy the meeting. I’ll let you two find the best time to meet next week!

Cheers,
Horton

The problem is, while Cindy Lou might be an expert in X, I don’t really care about X; it’s just not my thing. Naturally, I don’t want to spend even more time feigning interest in X. And I definitely don’t want to waste Cindy Lou’s time either. The other problem: Despite what Horton thinks, I’m mostly out of the office next month, so I can’t find a time to meet without a lot of calendar shuffling.

I used to accept blind introductions (and subsequent meetings) like these out of politeness. It was an ineffective use of my time – and theirs. Even when I dared to say no, I had to spend time crafting a firm yet polite email to decline the opportunity. Drafting the email didn’t take up nearly as much time as a meeting would, but it still took time out of my day that could be better spent on other challenges. Eventually, it became too much.

Nowadays, when people ask me to connect them with someone in my network, I make sure I have a double opt-in. This means I’ve asked for—and received—the permission of both parties before I send a note. Here’s what it looks like:

Pavel would like me to connect him with John.

I’ll ask Pavel to send me a new, well-written email with the request (Pavel should NOT include our previous conversation i.e., the original request). It could look something like this.

Hey Allen,

As discussed, it would be great if you could introduce me to John. Here is a summary of my ask: <insert awesome summary here>

Thanks in advance for your help.

Live long and prosper,
Pavel

Then, I would add a sentence or two before forwarding the note to John (without including Pavel). My addition would provide further context and could be something along the lines of: “I don’t know Pavel well, and I haven’t tried his products, but the elevator pitch sounds relevant to you” or “Pavel is brilliant and working on a super interesting project you might be interested in.” This context setting is important, but should only take 30 seconds of your time.

If John agrees to the introduction, then I add Pavel to the thread. If he says no, I’ll let Pavel know that as well.

Double opt-in email introductions work well for a number of reasons.

1. The onus is on the person requesting the introduction to write an awesome email detailing why the connection is valuable. It’s not the facilitator’s responsibility to make the case.
2. It avoids putting people in an awkward position of accepting a connection or meeting when there is zero interest in the product/service/pitch.
3. It encourages frank dialogue. If a person wants to decline an introduction, chances are he/she is more likely to provide a candid reason in a private one-on-one email with a trusted connection. It allows the facilitator to filter the information appropriately while still providing a truthful explanation to the requester.
4. It allows for brevity without sounding cold. Since the facilitator has established relationships with both parties, a to-the-point email doesn’t come off as arrogant or rude.

One more thing—please don’t write the email as though it came from me. Each person has a unique writing style and voice, and I have mine, too. You won’t be able to capture my voice exactly.

I make lots of introductions, and I am more than happy to do so. It’s great for community building. I hope the double opt-in method helps make introductions faster and a better experience for everyone!